I really struggle with being an adult, the responsibilities far outweigh the benefits sometimes and really just gives me a whole bunch of anxiety that I don’t want nor need.
Case in point over the past few days, we paid the deposit on a house last week. Moving. That didn’t really fill me with any dread, despite my love for keeping things the same. However, yesterday was the all important building and pest inspection and despite there not being anything significantly wrong with the property, all the little things started to add up.
This culminated in a difficult decision this morning to exit the contract through the cooling off period. Simply making that decision had taken almost 24 hours for me of going backwards and forwards. The email sat on my desktop for 20 minutes before I hit send and the phone call to the real estate agent left me a blubbering mess.
I realise I don’t owe anyone an explanation but I think it’s the right thing to do and that conversation over the phone left me feeling as drained as I’ve ever felt. Don’t get me wrong, the agent was lovely, no abuse towards me on the call or anything, but I felt like I’d just run a marathon and all my energy had just gone. This is especially telling as today was the first day I doubled my dosage of Strattera, an ADD drug I started recently. So I should be brimming with energy. Instead, I’m deflated.
So, today I’m at the shopping mall to deal with telecommunications issues. It’s a simple request, we have a phone number with provider A and a phone number with provider B, except we only actually use the number from provider A. What we want to do is move the number from provider A onto provider B’s plan, replacing that number (as it is not used).
We head into the store of provider B and begin the process of them not listening to us and presenting gibberish responses that will result in a 2-month wait to port the number because it will create a ‘flag’ in the system and no one wants to take ownership of the problem and phone someone to unflag it. Instead preferring to move so slowly that the system doesn’t flag in the first place.
After they explain it twice, confusing even themselves, I finally have enough of their inability to offer proper service and say (to myself) “that’s fucking ridiculous” and turn on my heels to immediately leave the store. I’m told afterwards that they said to F that their staff will not be abused. Luckily for them, I didn’t abuse them. They’re probably not well versed in language, seeing as they work in a Telstra store, but had I said something more like ‘you’re a fucking idiot’ – that would be abuse. In fact, I showed restraint, I expressed frustration to myself at their unhelpful attitude and lack of expertise in the matter, and knowing that I was reaching my limit at dealing with their ineptitude, I left. Many others would have abused them, and probably quite rightly so.
that’s fucking ridiculous
I honestly don’t know where to from here, but I’m certainly not stepping foot back in that store with employees who don’t have enough of a grasp of the English language to determine when someone is hurling abuse or exclaiming frustration about a system that is clearly broken.
In 17 days it will have been 2 years since I stopped writing in this blog. For those long time readers of my blogs you’ll recall when I wouldn’t even miss a single day. A lot has changed, but a lot isn’t my place to say either. I logged onto this website this afternoon thinking that I had a lot to type, but now I find I am struggling to share myself to the world. It’s hard to get back into the habit.
This year I was meant to see 2 new countries, exploring Europe and see family I don’t see often. We all know what has taken place that has put that on hold, and I have been fairly lucky in seeking refunds, while many others have not been. That trip may pick back up next year, or need to wait a while longer as the world re-evaluates travel and how that can be done safely. I am itching to get back out there though.
Talking to an acquaintance today I had my first real thoughts about the National Disability Insurance Scheme (NDIS). It’s a program in Australia that’s designed to offer support for those with lifelong disabilities, and technically I would qualify.
While I may be on the high-functioning end of the autism spectrum, that doesn’t mean I’m a genius, it just means I know how to, among other things, operate machinery. There’s a common misconception that the term “high-functioning” equals “normal functioning”. The reality however is very different: I’m still clueless in life, I have weird behaviours and go into a meltdown far too often over trivial things.
A website that launched recently called Do One Thing for Autism describes six ways that autism affects people, and I’ve experienced most of them to varying degrees.
Back to the NDIS though; I realise the scheme didn’t have someone with my lighter needs in mind when it was founded. That said, the website does outline the case that the NDIS is meant to offer “individualised” services and I could do with some help in a few areas of my life. Perhaps it would be something worthwhile applying for?
As my European holiday is about to start, I have taken an award night through IHG at the new Holiday Inn Express, Brisbane. Brand new, only 8 weeks since opening, we found the room adequate for a budget hotel and nicely styled inside. It was a short walk from Central train station and not hard to find. The views were as you would expect from an inner-city location.
It wasn’t just the room that was stylishly decorated. The Holiday Inn Express model is that every booking comes with a free breakfast and the dining hall was impressively styled. I didn’t get a photo unfortunately, but the checkin-counters and bar area shared the same space, allowing for minimal staff as they operated both stations. I found it quite a smart design.
We had a small bite to eat before heading to the airport and walked away impressed with the experience. It’s certainly a welcome addition to Brisbane.
If you are reading my blog it should come as no surprise to you that travel is a big part of my life. I enjoy it. I also enjoy the perks that come with a lot of frequent travel and even strive to attain those perks. A few years ago, this took me right to the top echelons of the Qantas Frequent Flyer program when I attained Platinum One status. The year that followed was certainly worth it, in my eyes. This entry isn’t about aiming for that level again, as I just don’t have the time or money for that. However, I recently dropped back to Gold, having been a Platinum (or higher) frequent flyer member for the last 4-5 years. I was happy and ready to accept that fate, when a double status credit offer appeared in my inbox and suddenly all bets were off.
Over a long weekend in April I took 12 flights that placed me back in the Platinum arena for the next two years. Where I go from there is unknown and is not important. This entry serves as a record of that journey in pictoral form. I don’t think anyone needs to know what it cost, except to note it was extremely good value.
This is a rather late entry, as I realise I forgot to do a 2016 travel recap. I had a little more activity than the previous year, travelling as far West as Perth and as far East as Fiji.
Despite the slightly larger map, I only flew one more flight comparatively, and not many more thousand kilometres. That said, 2017 looks set to be a huge year. But you’ll need to wait till the end of the year to hear more.
For those following along with the health of my blood, you will know that I took a blood test last week, in preparation for a haematologist appointment this morning. As I pretty much already knew before taking the test – and confirmed at todays appointment – my Neutrophil count is again low. The reason I knew this was because it took a very long time to get over a sore throat/associated congestion a few weeks back, and I have been feeling very tired lately. Both tell tale signs for me that my white blood cell count is low, based on previous experience.
While Lupus has been ruled out as a diagnosis, the rolling hills of my Neutrophil count mean we are taking a watch and see attitude. My last count was 2.2 when they found out there was nothing wrong with my bone marrow (fun test by the way), while today it was 1.1. I’m told, if it goes below 1.0 again (the previous trigger for the bone marrow test) and remains consistently low, I may get special injections to boost the white blood cells.
My next blood test will be before my dental surgery in July.
While I was visiting Uluṟu recently I had the chance to take home some artwork with me. Something to remember my time by. I saw a few I liked, but nearly missed out completely as we were initially focused on getting something both Dee-Anne and I liked – and we simply couldn’t agree. On the last full day I saw a work in progress though and decided no matter what, I’d take it.
When I saw it at first it was still in progress, but I expressed an interest and luckily by the end of the day, it was complete.
I’m not sure what drew me to it exactly, although I do like dot paintings and having previously kept lizards in Hong Kong I expect it was that. However the biggest revelation was to come when I got home.
On a whim, I decided to google the artist, Francine Kulitja. Naturally, there’s not a lot of information available online, but her work (that is similar to mine) was announced as inspiration for a tourism business in Uluṟu late last year. In that announcement it mentions that her mother, Rene Kulitja, is famous for a Qantas plane design. Suddenly my choice of artwork comes full circle, as I have always had a love for the Boeing 737-800 Yananyi Dreaming, and soon I shall have art on my wall that evokes a familiar feeling.
I’ve felt a little like Dougie Howser this week, where at the end of each episode he sits at his computer and contemplates what he has learnt. In a not too dissimilar position I’m also contemplating a life and death decision. That of my dog.
She’s 16 and a half and getting quite frail, and as she lives with me I have the ultimate responsibility, the only discretion, in whether she continues living or is put down. It’s not a decision I am looking forward to making.
While we were away at Uluru recently she was in a kennel, a supposedly very good one. However she came back with a UTI (urinary tract infection) and that necessitated a trip to the vets for some antibiotics. The vet informed me that she had very little muscle left in her hind legs and was very thin, the latter of which I knew already. She’s dropped to 18kg. It was suggested to me that she would be in pain, but wouldn’t tell me she was and would keep on doing her best for as long as she could. This I’m told wouldn’t be fair to her.
Trouble is, when I look at her she’s happy to see me, she doesn’t whimper and she does get up and move around. Sure, she’s a little weak in the legs sometimes, but she is the equivalent of 112 years old!
Over the past few days she’s had good and bad times. Bad times are when I find her effectively shivering, unsure if it’s cold or a muscle spasm. I don’t want to prolong her life if she’s in pain, but I don’t want to end it if she isn’t and I don’t want this decision in my hands.
If euthanasia is illegal, why can I put down my dog? Our bond is just as strong.
I have people to talk to, but at the same time I don’t want to speak about it. I have too many questions.