Had a night terror last night. I remember waking up and being scared out of my mind. I jumped out of bed, might have mumbled or said something, ended up at the end of the hall, turned some lights on. Think I may have entered the master bedroom, eventually “woke up” and returned to my room and went back to sleep.
I wasn’t sure what my feelings were today. I laughed a few times, but don’t think that proves anything, and just assume things were the same.
This evening on the way to Shane’s birthday party I glanced out the window as we drove and realised I was still fragile. I felt very much like crying or breaking down but didn’t know why. I pulled through it and mostly kept to myself at the party.
I had my wine topped up every time I turned my back and was even pressured to finish one glass so I could drink a second at one stage. Any other day I’d have loved that attention, tonight though, I was trying to avoid it.
Tomorrow I have another birthday party, this time a cocktail party. I should be looking forward to it but I have mixed feelings, perhaps because of the alcohol and my mood.
